I'm alway amazed when my life reaches a point where it is in equal portions awesome, complicated, difficult, stressful and completely debilitating.  I suspect it is some strange trick of the cosmos or perhaps just my own bad timing.  Either way it happens once or twice  a year without fail.  I think it follows my periods of depression too, so maybe these is the mania I often hear so much about.  Hmm...

Anyways, its fun this time, cause I am choosing to let it be mostly but also because of all the various times in my life before this, I am in a very different place this time than any of those.  Oddly nothing much has actually changed, its just a mental thing.  To be fair some things are different and dealing with them likely has to do with some of the less appealing of my emotional states.  I sort of slid by all of last year financially also until the IRS came and broke me again a month and a half back now.  The stress of that continues to make my life slightly more interesting (in a Asian understanding of the word) than I'd strictly like.

Ce la vive though.

Having a discussion earlier in the evening with a friend made me realize how, really, well my life is going.  I have some issues to be certain, a few serious ones even.  But all in all, I have a most excellent life.  I gotta say I am thankful for it.

The next two months are going to be tough ones, maybe the next three, but I am really hjoping that the changes I make will be good ones.  Healthy ones.  Maybe even ones that lead the hell out of my current cycle of life.  We'll see.  Leap over or trip and fall, either way, its moving forward.  So long as the lessons are learned and not forgotten, I am looking forward to them (the lessons, not learning them, I am SO not looking forward to learning them).

Hanging is one of those great lost arts that I never really truly managed to acquire.  Oh it happened, I used to hang just by waking up in the afternoon just cause my co-op was chock full of people squatting and hanging almost 24/7/365.  But rarely did I go out and hang elsewhere and even then, I rarely hung out, people more, hung out with me.  So hanging, and more importantly, enjoying it, is a nice thing to discover or maybe re-discover how to do.
There was dissapointments, some unexpected hilights, and I learned two new games which I always like to do.  So, it was a fine evening.  I loves me some gaming, even if the rules keep changing and seem designed just to screw with you.  :)  Its still fun.  And hell, I won once so I must've gotten the rules at some point.
I'm voting for more hanging.  I failed to win the Mega-Millions tonight but I will keep trying.  With a few million dollars each I could hang with all my friends ev ery weekend and really, that would be about god damned perfect.  I want more perfect in my life.  I have this sneaking suspicion I am gonna have to work for it though.  I hate that.

It is really hard sometimes to respect the Cam.  Seriously, they make it so very difficult.  USCC was a cluster fuck of disorginization, bad attitudes, and disrespect.  If there goal is to make the con fail, they really went a very long way to making it happen.  I met more angry, pissed off and generally snubbed Cammies in my three brief days there than I think I ever had before.  And they wonder why no one would help them and volunteer.  They actually had the gall to complain about it.

Still, despite them, a fine time was had by me even if I did miss the big finale.  I hated, really hated, leaving my friends.  It never ever hurt quite so much before.  The hours before I left were some of the sweetest most wonderful that I have felt in all my shoddy memory.  I cry a little thinking about it actually.  It really was glorious, thanks to all who sucker hanged with me whilst I sobered up and made the walk of shame to my plane in the wee hours of the morning.  I love you guys.

Still, its good to be home, had a warm reception from the Fray also which is always nice.  Had a nice day recovering as well.  Taking another tomorrow too, because I am lazy and in need of a vacation so I am having one.  Gonna try and clear my head and figure out what I am going to do with my life.  Wish me luck.

Here is to wishing everyday could be Saturday morning in the wee hours with my friends.  (=